Saturday, February 25, 2012

Sooooo Frustrated!!!!

First of all, I need to let anyone and everyone that may be reading this post today that this is not the typical "smell the flowers... life is sunshine" type of post.

Remember that ridiculous statement that everyone would say to you when you gave birth to your child with special needs..."God only gives us what we can handle".... or how about "God gives special children to special people"! Ugh! I detest, from the bottom of my heart, statements like that! What a bunch of Crap! A parent of a child with special needs has NO special powers! No extra deposits of patience! Nor are we angelic like and the fact that we were given these special children should be looked at as a gift! NO, NO, NO! We are parents, full of trials, tribulations and frustrations like the rest of the world. Just allow us to be parents!

I am so frustrated, tired and just plain exhausted with life right now, I don't even know where to begin!

Typically I don't share these types of feelings; and honestly they don't raise their ugly head all that often... but this past seven to ten days, these ugly heads are sitting on top of my roof, exposed for all to see...

Granted, upon starting Noah on the CMF protocol, I truly expected miraculous changes! Well, on day seven of the P, he developed a really bad case of diarrhea, that then turned into an upset tummy, which then moved on to a severe sinus infection. Now, after over two weeks, he is on antibiotics to fight the infection, etc.
Meanwhile, we have continued to give N the .05 mg of P and increased it on week 2 to 1mg, but we cut back on all supplements, aside from a little fish oil, because his tummy was so upset.

Today was the first day that I reintroduced the vitamins, including his ginkgo supplement. We shall see how things move forward.

I am just so frustrated because at this point in time I feel that N doesn't focus very long on an activity, that he is easily distracted, as well as just completing basic toddler tasks! So frustrating! I know that he can read over 300 words, that he knows all his letters and phonic sounds in the alphabet, and also that he knows his numbers consistently up to 20.

I'm just really tired. I'm tired of his not talking (although my husband says that he is talking... he says ba,ba,ba, mmmmm, lalala, etc) basically where an 18th month old would be! Meanwhile we see an Apraxic speech therapist, THE specialist in the state, four times a week, and not at an inexpensive rate! I mean, come on!!! N is almost 5.5yrs old!!! Give me some words!!!!

Yes I am hormonal, yes my lovely time of the month is coming up around the corner. However with all those disclosers this doesn't make it any easier! N and I were working on a simple shape sorter today... I had to continuously redirect him constantly!!!

Right now I feel like we have definitely digressed vs improved... Only more time shall tell.

However, meanwhile, my little man continues to try to be the best he can be... Here he is climbing a set of stairs at the playground that he could never manage in the past. Its acknowledging the small steps that makes life so important!

Thank you all for listening, thats why I love my blog friends :)!!!


  1. I understand your frustration. My goodness sometimes we as parents get tired,frustrated and with so low energy to keep going.we need new batteries girl!
    I will suggest you to have a week break, leave Noah relax,no activities,no learning just simply stop every academic time you dedicate to him at the house and get a nite out with your husband.I promise this will help.

  2. Take a brake and just do fun activities with him. I agree taking time for you and your husband works. We are devoted moms, but I forget about my self and I have realized this doesn't make things better. Taking brakes help to recharge the batteries. I send you a lot of hugs from here.

  3. Thank you both for your lovely responses :) I took both of your advice and stepped back, allowed myself to play with N as my son vs a task that needed to be accomplished.
    I have also began to take time for myself, which has made a huge difference. I am now going to the gym each morning and just having that one hour dedicated to me helps me to give that much more to everyone else.
    Still working on quiet time with hubby... baby steps :)

  4. Stumbled onto your blog, while looking for Apraxia info. I'm an old friend of Jacques from PCDS. My son is 12. I got sucked into your blog, I appreciated your honesty. Each step leads you to another, trust yourself. I have found a great deal of support behaviorally with the Nurtured Heart approach by Howard Glasser. It has saved us. We tweak a bit here and there due to special circumstances, but all and all it has saved our life in so many ways. This year I have started homeschooling, and it has been wonderful so far. I was teaching a 3-6 Montessori class at Villa. Thanks for your honest blogging, it was what I needed this morning. Glad I happened on your page. Say hi to Jacques.

    1. Hi Laragene, so great to hear from you!!! I remember Jaco telling me that you were a teacher at Villa... Noah has been attending M Academy for the past year +. We truly love it!!!
      I will definitely tell Jaco that you said "hi" and please keep in mind that we would love to see you and your family and spend time together!!
      Take care, xo Raquel, Jacques, Noah and Devin